it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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