why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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