as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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