There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
