dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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