chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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