Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
