I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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