Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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