Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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