my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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