I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
