I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
