i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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