Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
