i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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