Me too!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
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I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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