And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
