The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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