I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
