Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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