Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
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Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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