Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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