I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
