Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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