Texts From Last Night

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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident

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  (906): Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident http://tfl.nu/3vk6
  Replies (5) Good night (710) Bad night (1216)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best

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  (785): I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best http://tfl.nu/ugel
  Replies (13) Good night (791) Bad night (2139)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.

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  (812): Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA. http://tfl.nu/7ezh
  Replies (4) Good night (634) Bad night (1468)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16625) Bad night (1414)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

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  (443): I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly http://tfl.nu/9fzw
  Replies (11) Good night (5695) Bad night (1295)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.

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  (907): She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone. http://tfl.nu/lil1
  Replies (7) Good night (3660) Bad night (790)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?

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  (702): Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on? http://tfl.nu/7zfe
  Replies (11) Good night (2784) Bad night (786)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.

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  (954): She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating. http://tfl.nu/jmu1
  Replies (4) Good night (3132) Bad night (680)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.

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  (570): Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again. http://tfl.nu/7ky3
  Replies (8) Good night (2021) Bad night (919)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.

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  (914): Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs. http://tfl.nu/123h
  Replies (12) Good night (1099) Bad night (541)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!

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  (505): This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want! http://tfl.nu/7h8o
  Replies (3) Good night (478) Bad night (499)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.

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  (480): So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely. http://tfl.nu/qe4o
  Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (285)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.

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  (412): Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time. http://tfl.nu/jc31
  Replies (1) Good night (974) Bad night (265)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….

  (716): View more from New York

  ...Then...

  (585): View more from New York

  Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one

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  (585): You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then……. (716): ...Then... (585): Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one http://tfl.nu/7kz2
  Replies (0) Good night (698) Bad night (235)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.

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  (904): Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown. http://tfl.nu/099k
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (228)

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