You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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