im six kinds of drunk right now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.