Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
