No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
