I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
