Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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