Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
