I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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