the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
