saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
