I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
