i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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