i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
love makes seman taste better
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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