Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
