You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
