Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
