I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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