The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
