I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He kissed a someone with a penis
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
