the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
