He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
