I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
