my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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