she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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