: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
