we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
