dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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