their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
