he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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