k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
