Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Screwed.edu
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
