I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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