I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
