Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
