I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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