We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
