I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Boobs speak an international language.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
