He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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