Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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