if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize